The Beauty of Disappointment

For those of you who don't know, I'm interning this summer for LeaderTreks, a missions organization that is devoted to training students to be effective leaders. Check out their website to learn more. Also, join my Facebook group if you would like to support me this summer through prayer.

Anyways, I got my official site assignment yesterday. I will spend the first part of my internship in the Navajo Nation, fly back to Houston for my friend Claire's wedding, then spend the rest of my time in Montana. Honestly, I was disappointed at first. I have been to both those sites before and I was interested in going someplace new. Additionally, I had hoped not to be involved in a wilderness trip, but I got that thrown in as well. I vividly remember talking to my youth pastor about the different LT sites and I very determinedly told him I would never want to go back to the Navajo site. It wasn't that I had a bad trip. My team was wonderful, I learned a ton, and I know I grew through all of it. I just am not drawn to the site at all. I don't feel a particular burden for the Navajo people, and the hike was an enormous challenge for me this summer (if you want more on that story just let me know).

Montana is gorgeous and it is definitely the mission trip that changed my life and entire relationship with God. The hike was difficult, but not as bad as Navajo. But once again, I have never felt particularly called to the Cheyenne people. In fact, I was really, really hoping for a site in Latin America. I love that culture and I love being able to practice my Spanish. I knew, however, that with the wedding I was most likely going to be assigned state-side so that I could fly back and forth.

Since honesty is the best policy, you all get to know the truth: I had to take some time for myself so that I didn't get bitter about situations. My disappointment didn't last very long, but the fact that I even experienced a little of it left me feeling guilty. Who am I to question where God has placed me? How could I think that other events were "getting in the way" of my internship? Isn't everything working out to fulfill his plan?

After praying, journaling, and just spending some time in solitude, I can say with confidence that I AM SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS SUMMER!! I'm excited about the students that I will come in contact with, and the opportunity to encourage them. I'm thrilled to be working with other amazing staff members and just getting to share this whole summer experience with them. I'm so excited to see how God changes my life once again this summer. I'm looking forward to experiencing the amazing beauty of nature and seeing God's handprints throughout creation. AND.. I can't wait to see the amazing stars!!!

I have already been able to see God's hand in all of this. I have almost all the equipment that I will need this summer since I have been to these sites before. That will be a huge financial relief since I still have several plane tickets to purchase. Additionally, I have two good friends who really enjoy hiking, so I have people in my life who will be able to help me prepare. Finally, I just started reading Dante's Purgatorio for my Great Texts class and it's all about a climb to the top of the mountain of Purgatory in order to purge his soul of sin so he can be with God in paradise. Talk about inspiration!! I'll just pretend to be Dante while I climb... and maybe sing some Miley Cyrus... or not.

So, despite my initial disappointment (all triggered by selfishness), I am so excited about this summer and about where I will be. And I think this quick instance of disappointment will make this summer all the more memorable and incredible. I can't wait to see what happens!!

Pictures from Montana, Honduras, and the Navajo Nation

In the Light

I love DC Talk's song, "In the Light" which speaks of living life in the light of God, since he is the light. This imagery of light versus darkness can be found in 1 John 1:5-7: "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."

I have always enjoyed the contrast of light and dark in relation to God and the world, but after writing a paper on Boethius I am even more enthralled by the imagery. I HIGHLY encourage you to read Boethius at some point.. he has so much truth to offer!


My paper explored a poem in Boethius's Consolation of Philosophy that heavily uses the imagery of light to explain that true happiness is only found in God. Reflected light represents the things of this world that appear to bring happiness to man, but in reality are only shadows of the true happiness found in God. One line states that the light of God is the "splendor that guides and moves the heavens." What a wonderful description! In the end, the poem shows that man must develop the ability to distinguish between the reflected light and the light of God. In my own life I need to recognize that though these things of the world can bring comfort and entertainment, ultimately I can never be fulfilled/happy (eudaimonia for all you Greek scholars) unless I recognize that knowledge of God brings that fulfillment to my life.

I don't know about you, but as for me, I want to be in the light.

Middle Ground

This is a good article for both evangelical conservatives and secular liberals to read:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/opinion/28kristof.html

Hello Again

I am saying hello to Facebook once again. It's not that I gave up on staying away from it, I just think that I have learned what I needed to know from my fast.

Facebook really is a good tool to stay in touch with people, plan events, share stories, and I have missed out on that. It's been hard to plan a get-together without the convenience of mass-messaging everyone. Also, my internship has a group for all the interns to get to know each other, so I feel like I would really miss out on some good conversations and encouragement if I weren't a part of that.

But no worries, I will not be wasting time sitting around on Facebook all day. It will just be quick check-ins.

Just thought I should explain real quickly why I will be popping up in your news feed once again.

Raven and Lily

Please, please, please check out this website and watch the video on the home page: http://www.ravenandlily.com/

Raven and Lily is an awesome organization. They are a fair-trade company and sell eco-friendly, fashionable items made by women who are in poverty. They help teach these women job skills and give them the opportunity for a better life.

Kirsten Dickerson is a co-founder of the organization and I had the wonderful opportunity today of meeting and her husband Brandon, who is a film director and has done music videos for Switchfoot, Jonas Brothers, and many others. They are an incredible couple who passionately live out their faith. They are also friends of my youth pastor and his wife, and that is how I got connected with them.

Both Kirsten and Brandon attended Baylor, and they are back in Waco for a bit to take care of Kirsten's mother. While here, Kirsten continues to promote Raven and Lily. Today there was a trunk show of their merchandise at Common Grounds, our awesome local coffee shop. I was able to help volunteer for a bit by setting up merchandise and helping customers. It was such a cool experience to work with people who are doing something to change the world, and selling really adorable things in the process. I got a really cool bag that was made out of a recycled sari from a woman in India. Raven and Lily is a great picture of how God wants to use each of our talents to fulfill his mission. Kirsten's talent is design, and she gives this gift back to God by using it to help the poor.

I am really looking forward to getting to know this couple even more and to watching Raven and Lily help even more women across the world. I highly encourage you to check out this organization. It is such a cool one to support, and they sell such cute stuff (as I have already said many times in this post, it's just so true!) Just think, you could buy an adorable gift for someone, and in the process you could help support a woman who is searching for a better life.

It is well

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul

This afternoon, I overheard one of my friends playing this song on the piano. Instantly the words popped into my mind and I have not been able to get them out of my head (which is not a bad thing in the least). I LOVE this hymn. I love the feeling of this hymn. And I love the story behind this hymn.

I have not been through such intense trials. My current worries about class pale in comparison to what the Staffords endured, and what so many other people in the world go through every day. This hymn is a reality check for me. It is so easy to get caught up in daily stress, especially when immersed in a culture that places such a high emphasis on "success." But the majesty of this hymn is that no matter what happens, our souls are well when they are at rest with God. Christ has triumphed; Satan is defeated. Our sin is nailed to that cross, ALL of our sin. "The sky, not the grave, is our goal." Look to God for fulfillment. The world offers a mere shadow of the rich life God can bring.

God, no matter what stress is in our lives, no matter what pain we deal with, no matter what sin we struggle with, grant us the assurance of our fulfillment in you. Teach us to truly say with all our hearts "IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!"

We are but dust

It has been a month and a few days since I deactivated Facebook, and I must say it has been such a freeing experience! Without the distraction of my Facebook addiction, friendships have flourished, involvement in activities has increased, and procrastination has decreased (most of the time!)

Though a lot of good has come out of this whole thing, there are some downsides. I realized that I have an extremely addictive personality. When Facebook wasn't there to feed my addiction, I looked for something else to fill it, and that turned to reading blogs. You can ask any of my friends and they will tell you how often I reference something I read on some blog I found. While I think blogs are great things, my obsession went a little too far.

When I realized all this, a hard thought struck me: Why doesn't this obsession take hold of me for things of God? I haven't tried to fill my time with reading His word or praying. It wasn't necessarily Facebook that got in my way, but rather my tendency to fill my time with things that weren't drawing me closer to God.

In the midst of pondering this thought, Ash Wednesday arrived. I attended a beautiful service at Dayspring Baptist and was powerfully reminded that each one of us is made of dust. What a scary thing thought! But what a beautiful thing when we consider how deeply God loves us, even in our weak state.

I want to know this God who chooses to love me, someone who has nothing to offer. I mess up so much. I make terrible decisions. But still he loves me. How could I possibly be distracted from a love like that?!

So rather than giving something up for Lent, I am going to try to gain something instead: daily time with the one who loves me more than I could ever imagine.